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Last updated July 17, 2024

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Blog > Essay Examples , UC Essays > 9 Outstanding UC Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

9 Outstanding UC Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Kylie Kistner, MA Former Willamette University Admissions

Key Takeaway

We talk a lot about essays in the college application process. And for good reason. Essays are one of the most critical parts of your application, and the University of California Personal Insight Questions are no different. Even though they’re quite different from personal statements or supplemental essays , UC essays serve a similar purpose: to help admissions officers get to know you and envision you on their campus.

But the tricky thing about UC essays is that they have a very particular style and form. If you don’t write your UC essays in the right way, you risk tanking your application.

Writing them the right way, however, can land you in the admit pile.

Let's start by looking at an example essay. Then we'll dive into the prompts themselves, go over some strategy, and and look at even more examples. Ready?

UC Example Essay - Prompt #7

We’ve got an extra example for Prompt #7: . This one comes from the Essay Academy , our digital college essay course. It’s about a student’s initiative to bring literacy to their community. Take a look:

This writer makes it very clear what community they’re talking about. They state the problem (libraries closing down), their solution (filling the library gap through book club), and the action steps they took to make their community a better place.

Along the way, we clearly see their strengths: they are willing to take initiative and to think critically about what the community needs. The essay also answers the entire prompt and meets the style and tone requirements of UC essays. It’s clear, action-oriented, and to-the-point. Excellent!

Now, let's actually take a look at the prompts.

The UC Personal Insight Question Prompts

The University of California system, which consists of nine campuses across the state, requires students to apply directly via their institutional application portal. That means that you won’t be submitting your Common Application to them or writing school-specific supplemental essays. Instead, you’ll choose four of the following eight prompts to respond to.

Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.

Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.

What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.

Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.

What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

Once you have your prompts chosen, the essays themselves should be no greater than 350 words each.

Together, your essays should be different but cohesive enough to tell a fairly complete story of who you are.

Before we get to the examples, we have a few tips to keep you on track.

How to Write the UC Personal Insight Questions

Okay, so we actually have a whole other comprehensive guide to the UC essays that breaks down the process in extreme detail.

So for now, we’ll just go over the essentials.

What’s helpful about the UC PIQs is that we don’t have to guess what admissions officers are looking for—the UCs tell us directly in the Points of Comprehensive Review . Read through all thirteen points, but pay special attention to #10. That’s where your essays will be doing the heaviest lifting.

With that in mind, there are four rules for writing UC essays that you should stick to like glue:

Answer the prompt.

We’ll say it again for the people in the back: answer the prompt! The UC essay prompts ask very specific questions and contain multiple parts. If you misinterpret the prompt, you may end up writing the completely wrong essay.

You might find that diagramming or annotating the prompts helps you pull out the important pieces. Break down what each of your chosen prompts asks you to do, and list out all the questions in order. That way, you’ll make sure you’re not missing anything.

Skip the fluff.

Your personal statement likely has some creative descriptions or metaphors. You may have even incorporated figurative or poetic language into your supplementals. And that’s great. In fact, that’s encouraged (within reason, of course).

But UC essays are different. They’re all business.

Whereas your personal statement might open with an attention-catching hook that describes a scene in vivid detail, your UC essays should jump straight in. In general, your essay should be organized in a clear way that tells a straightforward story.

Focus on action steps.

As we saw in the Points of Comprehensive Review, admissions officers want to learn about how your concrete experiences have shaped you. That means that your essays should revolve around action steps rather than, say, 350 words of intense personal reflection. What those action steps should look like will depend on the prompts you’ve chosen. But by the end of your essay, your admissions officers should know what you’ve done and why.

Show a strength.

In the UC essays, it’s easy to get caught up in the details of the prompt and style of the essay. But don’t lose sight of the purpose of any college essay in the process: to showcase a strength to your admissions officers.

Every UC essay you write should correspond with a specific strength. That might be wisdom, artistry, good judgement, entrepreneurship, leadership—you get the idea.

Let’s say you want one of your essays to demonstrate leadership. The idea isn’t that you come out and say, “This shows that I am a leader.” Instead, by the end of the essay, after reading about everything you’ve done and reflected on, your admissions officers should sit back in their chair and say, “Wow, that student is a leader.” You’ll see what we mean in the examples.

Because of all these golden rules, your UC essays will look quite different than your Common Application essay or supplementals. They’ll probably look quite different from any essay you’ve written.

That’s where examples come in handy. Ready to dive in?

UC Prompt 1: Leadership

1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time.

Prompt 1 Example Essay

When we moved to a new neighborhood, my dad always complained about the house next to us. Full of weeds and random objects, it had clearly been neglected(( Notice how, at least compared with common application personal essays, the tone of this essay is much more staid?)) .

I didn’t pay much attention to his complaints until one day when I saw that our neighbor was an elderly man. He was struggling to bring his trash to the bins outside. Suddenly, it all clicked. If taking out the garbage was a challenge, then surely he wasn’t able to do yard work. That’s why it looked neglected.

My dad always taught me that leadership isn’t about giving orders. It’s about doing what needs to be done(( A direct, succinct definition of leadership.)) . With this advice in mind, I decided that I would help our neighbor.

After my realization, I went and knocked on our neighbor’s door. I introduced myself and learned that his name was Hank. When the time was right, I informed him that I’d be cutting our grass the following weekend and would love to cut his as well. Hank initially refused.

Speaking with Hank, I learned that leadership is also about listening to people’s needs(( Showing a lesson from the experience.)) . In that moment, Hank needed to be reassured that I wanted to help. I told him it would be easy for me to cross over to his yard while I had the equipment out. He finally agreed.

The next Saturday, I got to work. The job would be bigger than I expected. All the objects needed to be picked up before I could mow. I decided to enlist the help of my two younger siblings. At first, they said no. But a good leader knows how to inspire, so I told them about Hank and explained why it was important to help. Together, we cleaned up the yard. Now, each time I mow our lawn, I mow Hank’s afterward.

Through this experience, I learned that leadership is about seeing problems and finding solutions. Most importantly, it’s about attitude and kindness(( The author of this essay does a good job staying focused on a clear definition.)) . The neighborhood is grateful that the eyesore is gone, Hank is grateful for the help, and I am grateful for my new friend.

Word Count: 343

UC Essay Checklist

Does the writer convey a strength?

Yes. The writer shows initiative in seeking out the neighbor and willingness to help in all the hard work they did.

Is every part of the prompt answered?

Yes. Since this prompt has an “or,” we know that the writer doesn’t have to meet every single criterion listed. They respond to the “positively influenced others” part of the prompt, which we can see through their interactions with their neighbor.

Does the writer adhere to UC conventions?

Yes. The essay is straightforward and clearly organized. The writer lists action steps in chronological order.

UC Prompt 2: Creativity

2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.

Prompt 2 Example Essay

As a cellist, I express my creativity through music(( Directly answering the prompt up front. )) . Whether I’m playing in a symphony, chamber orchestra, quartet, or solo performance, I bring my art to the world with my instrument. My creativity has transformed me from a small child playing out of tune to a solo artist featured in my state’s youth symphony.

I’ve loved music from a young age, and I began playing the cello when I was six years old. What began as a hobby to keep an energetic child engaged has become my life’s purpose.

At first, I only played along with my private lesson teacher, Ms. Smith. I loved dancing my fingers across the fingerboard, plucking the strings, and making screeching noises with my bow. Ms. Smith told my parents that I had promise but needed to develop discipline. Despite my young age, I listened. By the time I reached middle school, I had made principal cellist in my school’s orchestra. Leading a section of fellow cellists brought my creativity to a whole new level. Not only was I expressing myself through my own music, but I also expressed myself through my leadership. With a subtle nod or an expressive sway, I learned to shape the music those behind me played. I felt most comfortable and free when I was playing my cello.

That feeling only grew as I moved into high school. In ninth grade, I landed my first solo. With it came a new creative sensation: stage fright(( This part of the essay distracts a bit from the main theme.)) . Until then, I’d only experienced positive emotions while playing. I needed to make solo performance more positive. With endless practice and exercises like playing for the public on the sidewalk, I learned that solo performance is simply a way to share my love of music with those around me.

Now, as principal cellist of my state’s youth orchestra, I jump at the chance to perform any solo I can get. Getting to this point has taken me countless late nights practicing in my bedroom and weekends spent in rehearsals. But without my cello to express my creative side, I wouldn’t be me.

Word Count: 347

Yes. The writer is an artist—a musician specifically. Their creativity shines through.

Yes. This prompt is pretty straightforward: “Describe how you express your creative side,” which the writer does by describing their love of the cello. Notice how the writer doesn’t just say they’re creative because they play the cello. They describe that creativity in detail.

Mostly. The short paragraph about stage fright takes us on a slight detour from the prompt. To make this essay even better, the writer could have eliminated that anecdote or reframed it to be more about creative expression.

UC Prompt 3: Talent or Skill

3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

Prompt 3 Example Essay

How many toes does an armadillo have? What were the main causes of the Crimean War? Who discovered atoms? When my friends or family have questions, they come to me for answers. I am an expert researcher. Although my passion for research began as a fun hobby, it has evolved into one of my greatest skills(( The writer opens with an interesting but not too out-there hook and then gets straight to answering the prompt.)) .

My first real mystery came when I was in ninth grade. My mom wanted to track down an old friend from high school but hadn’t had any luck searching on her own. Having grown up with the internet, I was my mom’s best chance. Not sure where to begin, I took to YouTube tutorials. Using the few family details my mom remembered, I tracked down the friend’s brother then found the friend’s married name(( Here’s a great example of what the skill looks like.)) . Alas–we found her on social media. I felt triumphant as I saw the happiness wash over my mom’s face.

Since then, my skill has grown exponentially(( And here the writer gets at the “developed and demonstrated the talent over time” part of the prompt.)) . Combining my natural curiosity with my love of history, I’ve advanced my research skills by volunteering with my local library for the past two years. I have learned about how keywords and search engines work, practiced cataloging and archiving, and waded my way through the intricacies of the library’s database technology. Suddenly, researching wasn’t just about finding people’s Facebook profiles. It was about having any information I wanted to find at my fingertips.

Access to information is more important now than ever. That’s why I decided to put my research knowledge to work. Part of being a good researcher is teaching others how to access information too, so I founded the SOHS Research Club. We begin each meeting by raising the hardest question we can think of, and I use the projector in the library to walk club members through my research process. Members have all gone on to share their knowledge with their friends and family. The SOHS Research Club has spread information literacy to my whole community(( Gesturing to the greater significance of the skill)) .

Looking ahead to all the ways my research skills will improve in college, I know that I’ll be ready to find an answer for anything.

Word Count: 350

Yes. We see that they’re not only skilled at research but also that they want to support their community.

Yes—but. The prompt asks about your greatest talent or skill . It also asks how you have developed and demonstrated that talent over time. The writer does answer these questions, but I’d like to see more about when the SOHS Research Club took place as part of this development.

Yes. The essay is clear, organized, and to-the-point.

UC Prompt 4: Educational Opportunity or Barrier

4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.

Prompt 4 Example Essay

I jump at any chance to get my hands dirty. I am an aspiring ecologist. I’m lucky enough to live in a college town, so I was elated last semester when a postdoctoral fellow invited me to join her research team(( Okay, looks like this writer is addressing the “how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity” part of the prompt.)) .

Although at first(( Good signposting and transitions. UC essays should be clear and straightforward. This writer easily walks us through the step-by-step of what happened.)) I was intimidated by the prospect of working alongside college students and faculty, I decided to embrace the opportunity to learn what being an ecologist is really like.

The project involved studying Asclepias syriaca populations in my local park. More commonly known as Milkweed, this flower species has a long and important history in North America, particularly for Indigenous people. After learning about its history as a food source, medicine, and critical part of ecological function, I couldn’t wait to be part of the research.

As a research assistant, I helped with data collection. We began by using twine to section off population groups in the park. Then, every week I returned to the populations to collect information about population growth. I counted the number of flowers in the population, and, with a clear ruler, I measured and recorded the height of every individual flower.

The work was tedious. On my hands and knees, I squinted at the millimeter markings, trying to obtain the most accurate measurements possible. Each week, I’d return home with muddy jeans and a smile on my face.

Participating in this research project taught me that being an ecologist is about much more than looking at plants(( Going beyond the research to reflect on lessons learned—nice!)) . It’s also about learning from mentors and engaging with and having respect for the historical context of the plants we study. Being a scientist is also not as glamorous as movies like Jurassic Park lead on. Instead, science requires careful planning, patience, and hard work.

But what I learned the most from this educational opportunity is that science doesn’t exist in some nebulous place. It exists right here in front of me. I look forward to continuing to use science to serve my community.

Word count: 328

Yes. We see their intellectual curiosity and willingness to learn through their research journey.

Yes. We have another “or” prompt! This time they’ve chosen to focus on an “educational opportunity,” which is the research project. They certainly explain how they “took advantage” of it.

Yes. There’s no fluff, just a coherent narrative focused on actions the writer took.

UC Prompt 5: Challenge

5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

Prompt 5 Example Essay

While most kids fear monsters, my greatest fear has always been tests. Since elementary school, I’ve dealt with incapacitating test anxiety. I’d sit down for a spelling test and faint from anxiety(( Straight into answering the prompt)) . Math tests in middle school would make me run to the bathroom ill. By the time I reached high school, where the testing stakes became even higher, my test anxiety increased exponentially.

More than normal feelings of nervousness or anxiousness, it is a diagnosis I wrestle with daily. Test anxiety caused me to miss a number of tests that I had no option to re-take. It’s caused me to receive abysmal scores on standardized and state tests, which has had repercussions in the classes I’m allowed to take(( Strategically, this was a good prompt for this student to answer because it gives them a way to contextualize any poor grades they earned early in high school. It also gets at the “academic achievement” part of the prompt.)) . My test anxiety has been the greatest challenge of my life. In a school system so reliant on testing, it has completely affected my ability to achieve academically.

By the time I took the PSATs, I couldn’t even move my hand to write my name. I knew something had to change. I reached out for help. My mom knew I had been struggling but didn’t understand the extent of my illness. Together, we contacted my school counselor, who told us how to find a therapist.

With my doctors, I worked to mitigate the effects of my test anxiety on a medical and psychological level(( Action steps! This prompt requires you to talk about the specific steps you took to overcome the challenge. The writer does exactly that in this paragraph.)) . I began taking beta-blockers that helped slow my heart rate, thus tricking my body into being less anxious. Alongside that, I spent months working through the reasons my brain interpreted testing as such a threat. I learned to appreciate my intrinsic value instead of relying on external factors like test scores. And rather than viewing tests as chances to fail, I began to understand them as opportunities to showcase my growth.

Now, after two long years of effort, I can take any test with ease. Since learning how to manage my disorder, I’ve successfully taken my driver’s test, SATs and ACTs, and all seven of my AP exams. I’m looking forward to all the tests I’ll take in college(( And we end on a very positive note that shows lots of growth)) .

Yes—which is difficult with this prompt. The writer doesn’t get bogged down in the challenge of having test anxiety. Instead, they use this prompt as an opportunity to show a strength: resilience to overcome such a difficult problem.

Yes. And this prompt has multiple parts, too. It wants you to describe 1) a challenge, 2) the steps you’ve taken to overcome the challenge, and 3) how the challenge affected your academic achievement. This writer does all three.

Yes. The writer doesn’t provide any poetic descriptions or metaphors. They say what they mean.

UC Prompt 6: Academic Interest

6.  Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom.

Prompt 6 Example Essay

Sitting in front of my baby cousin, I held my hands in front of my face. I quickly snapped them down and exclaimed, “Peek-a-boo!” Delighted, he erupted into laughter. From the perspective of my more developed brain, this game is quite boring. It’s overly repetitive, and the outcome—my face reveal—is basic and consistent. But to a brain that hasn’t yet gone through the sensorimotor phase of development, the game is a downright hoot. What I perceive as boring is actually magic to a baby’s mind. Without the concept of object permanence, my cousin thinks that I disappear completely behind my hands. When my face returns, he marvels as I inexplicably materialize in front of him. It’s no wonder he can play peek-a-boo for hours.

Since I took IB Psychology my sophomore year, I have been fascinated with child psychology(( It takes a paragraph before we get to the prompt (which is too long), but I like the nerdiness the writer shows in the intro)) . No matter when or where we are born, we all undergo similar stages of development that help us understand the world around us. Imagine Albert Einstein chewing on a rock or Genghis Khan taking his first steps. Researching child development unlocks something universal and equalizing about the human experience.

Because of my interest in child psychology, I decided to get more involved with my community. I began by volunteering in a psychology lab at my local university. While there, I get our child participants settled before sessions. Occasionally I get to help with data collection. I also landed a job as a teacher’s aide at a nearby Head Start, where I feed lunches, play, and read. In both of these activities, I’ve learned so much about how to interact with toddlers, to think like they think, and to help them grow into kind and happy children(( This paragraph shows exactly how they’ve furthered their interest.)) .

My school doesn’t offer any additional psychology courses, so I took a community college class this summer. I’m looking forward to taking more advanced psychology classes as a psychology major, and I’m eager to bring the research skills I’ve been developing to one of the UC’s many child development labs. One day, I hope to use all these skills as a child therapist.

Word Count: 348

Yes. The student is very intellectually curious about child development—a perfect strength for this prompt.

Yes. The writer talks about an academic subject, child development, and describes how they advanced that interest through a research lab, classes, and a job at Head Start.

Yes—but. Overall, the essay does a great job adhering to UC essay conventions. But the first paragraph almost doesn’t. As it is, the writer stays focused on telling the story. However, it takes up quite a bit of space in the essay without really conveying much about the writer’s journey. If there were a metaphor or any poetic language in there, it would have been too far. Same goes for the snippet about Einstein and Genghis Khan—it adds personality but is close to overdoing it.

UC Prompt 7: School or Community

7. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

Prompt 7 Example Essay

Nourishing loved ones by cooking for them is one of my biggest passions. But my hobby has become more difficult since moving to a food desert. Food deserts are areas without easy access to grocery stores or healthy foods. These disparities are clear in the school cafeteria, with the majority of students eating processed school lunches or packaged foods brought from home. I decided to do something about it.

The idea came to me one day as I made my way from AP Biology to my cooking elective. We needed a school community garden(( The writer sets up the stakes in the introduction so we truly understand the situation here)) . If we couldn’t access fresh foods in our neighborhood, then we would grow our own. We just needed a space to grow them and money to buy supplies.

I began by finding a spot to plant our garden. My friends and I walked around the entire school and decided that the courtyard would be the perfect place. After explaining my idea to the Assistant Principal, I got permission to proceed.

Next(( This paragraph is full of good action steps)) I raised money for the supplies. With $20 in seed money from my parents, which I promptly paid back, I drew and printed stickers to sell at lunch. The stickers were anthropomorphized vegetables. They cost $0.10 per sticker to make, and I sold them for $1.00 each. Soon enough, I had not only raised enough money to set up the garden, but I had rallied the whole school around my cause. Thirty of my classmates showed up, vegetable stickers on their water bottles, to help me plant the garden.

For the last year, we’ve maintained a spread of seasonal vegetables in the garden. We bring a basket to the cooking elective teacher each week so students can practice cooking with fresh vegetables, and we hold a daily farm stand at lunch(( And we see that they are legitimately improving their community)) . At the stand, students can grab whatever fresh produce they want to add to their lunch.

My school’s garden nourishes my community, and I am nourished every day by the fact that my efforts have made a true difference to those around me.

Word Count: 341

Yes. The writer shows really great initiative and community understanding in their willingness to start a community garden from scratch.

Yes. With only one question, this prompt is pretty straightforward. And the writer’s answer is simple: to make their school community a better place, they made a community garden.

Yes. The writer goes into detail about every step they took to make the community garden come to life. I especially like how the writer goes beyond these details to emphasize how much the community garden impacted the school community.

UC Prompt 8: Additional Information

8. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

Prompt 8 Example Essay

When I posted a TikTok video of myself studying, I didn’t expect anyone but my friends to see it. But within hours, my video had gone viral— tens of thousands of people(( That’s a lot of people. This shows the magnitude and impact of the video.)) saw the carefully-crafted shots I’d taken of my desk setup and homework timelapse. The comment section flooded. People appreciated the work I’d put into curating the perfect desk. They thanked me for inspiring them to get started on their own homework. I was overwhelmed by the response.

At first I felt really shy. What if people from school saw it and made fun of me? I kept questioning myself so much that I completely froze. Finally, one comment caught my attention. It read, “I’ve been having a hard semester and can barely get myself out of bed, let alone to do my homework. But this is so calming! Maybe I’ll try.” That comment made me realize that it didn’t matter what people at my school thought. What mattered was that I loved making that video and it had made an actual difference in the lives of the people who saw it.

And that’s when I decided to make my mark on #StudyTok(( This is a pretty unique topic that wouldn’t have necessarily fit into the other prompt categories, which makes it a good candidate for prompt #8.)) . Since that first video, I’ve posted 318 others and accumulated over 35,000 followers(( More numbers to show impact)) . I’ve had more videos go viral and reach hundreds of thousands of people looking for work inspiration. Even the videos that some would see as “fails” still reach a couple hundred people. That may not be a big deal in the Internet world, but those same people would fill up my high school’s auditorium. My goal for every video is to make my viewers feel relaxed and able to take on whatever work they have to do. It helps me and my viewers complete our work.

These videos have made me more confident and organized, and I can’t wait to continue them in college. When I get an extra assignment or have to stay up late to finish a paper, I become excited instead of frustrated because I know that the little StudyTok community I’ve created will be there right alongside me.(( This conclusion drives home the what “makes you a strong candidate for admissions to the UC” part of the prompt.))

Yes. They show creativity through their video production and leadership through their huge community impact.

Mostly. This prompt is a tricky one to answer because its components aren’t as straightforward as the others. Through such a huge impact, the writer makes it implicitly clear why this story demonstrates that they are a good candidate for admissions to the UC, but the message could be more explicit.

Yes. The writer conveys the sequence of events in a clear and organized way, and they use good metrics to show the impact of their videos.

Key Takeaways

Did you catch our golden rules throughout? Yep. That’s what makes these essays stand out, and that’s what’ll make your essays stand out, too.

And even though these essays come from different students, hopefully you also got a sense of how an admissions officer reads a portfolio of essays for a single student.

Remember: just like your other applications, your overall goal for your UC application is to create a cohesive application narrative that shows your core strengths.

Having read all these essays, you’re now well on your way to writing your own. Try jumping into the Essay Academy or our UC essay writing guide  for help getting started.

Liked that? Try this next.

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How to Answer the Required UC Transfer Application Essay in a Memorable Way

Now, on to the Required Question for UC Transfer Applicants. The prompt reads:

Please describe how you have prepared for your intended major, including your readiness to succeed in your upper-division courses once you enroll at the university.

Then the admissions department provides these considerations to keep in mind:.

How did your interest in your major develop? Do you have any experience related to your major outside the classroom; such as volunteer work, internships and employment, or participation in student organizations and activities? If you haven’t had experience in the field, consider including experience in the classroom. This may include working with faculty or doing research projects.

If you’re applying to multiple campuses with a different major at each campus, think about approaching the topic from a broader perspective, or find a common thread among the majors you’ve chosen.

While freshman applicants have the option to submit their UC applications without addressing their academic interests in their essays, transfer applicants do not have that freedom since you have most likely completed your general education and will be enrolling mainly in major courses. Admissions wants to know how you have prepared for your intended major, so it’s incredibly important that applicants are able to build a bridge between their past experiences in their field of interest and UC’s academic offerings.

Think about the experiences you have had—classes, extracurricular activities, work experience, research, personal relationships, or hobbies—that have enabled you to further develop your interest and knowledge of your chosen field. Once you have some ideas at hand, do a little research on the particular majors or programs at the UC campuses you’re applying to so you can connect the dots.

Finally, admissions wants to assess how ready you are to succeed in upper-division courses, so don’t be afraid to toot your own horn and reference experiences that have instilled confidence in you, even if those experiences are outside of your chosen field (think: research papers, end-of-year projects, or independent studies that show you can handle the major-focused workload expected of juniors and seniors). You’ll want to avoid general statements (e.g. I am hard-working, I am ambitious), and instead give concrete examples (a.k.a. the first rule of writing: show, don’t tell!). 

Remember that admissions will expect your writing to be at a higher level than freshman applicants, so this is not the assignment to rush through or leave to the last minute. Our advice? Write this essay (and the other three UC Transfer essays) in advance, then proofread, and finally, share them with someone you trust to get a second opinion.

About Kat Stubing

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Written by Kat Stubing

Category: Admissions , Essay Tips , Essay Writing , Uncategorized

Tags: uc transfer , uc transfer essay , university of california , university of California transfer application

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UC Berkeley Transfer Essays That Worked

This year, we’ve just received great news about one of four latest clients and their UC transfer application. They got in! The school? UC Berkeley.

*Cue streamers*

Now, they actually got into other schools like UCLA, UC San Diego, and a few other transfer schools of their choice. This article, though, is just focused on our client’s admission to Berkeley, particularly what it took for him to get in.

So, here are their stats :

• School transferring from: Pasadena City College
• Major: Computer Science
• Club Activities: None
• Notable Achievements / Awards: None
• Internship / Work Experience: Computer Science Intern

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The most important thing to consider about these stats is that the student was able to get away with rather average marks and a lack of notable awards and activities. This was pretty great surprise. What really made the difference in this essay, however, was that the client was able to make their paper shine through their internship work. It’s not everything, but it was one of the primary attributes that made this into one of our list of UC Berkeley Transfer essays that work.

The internship work that our client had completed was what allowed his college essay and transfer application to demonstrate his proclivity to go above and beyond to actualize his career dreams.

That’s all college admissions officers are really looking for: proof from applicants that they will go beyond their comfort zones to actualize their dreams.

Of course, not everyone has put in the effort to win awards, achieve great accomplishments in clubs, or find time out of school to work in internships for their professors. That’s why colleges provide a little bit of leeway for students who can show their determination and passion through writing the college essay section.

Unfortunately, the client was unable to meet with us on time to allow for a whole two weeks of editing and essay optimization. As such, we had to settle with a few mistakes and less than optimal writing capabilities on our part due to time constraints. (which was rather nerve-wracking, considering this was an admissions essay aimed for UCB) Had they arrived earlier for a consultation, we may have had enough time to make more severe changes to better optimize his chances for some of the higher schools that he placed his targets on.

Without further ado, here are the transfer essays that were completed and revised by our client and our team.

UC Transfer Essay Prompt 1

Yup, they’re getting right to that topic. Your UC Berkeley transfer essays are going to have to show that you weren’t just studying for the high marks and the grades. They are going to want to see that you planned for your future here!

“ Please describe how you have prepared for your intended major, including your readiness to succeed in your upper-division courses once you enroll at the university. “

The essence of mathematics is the simplification of complex problems into a combination of smaller, simpler problems. As an avid mathematics enthusiast, and a computer science major, I understand this principle firsthand. My rigorous study of mathematics and computer science has given me the opportunity to model and solve real-world problems mathematically. In turn, my exploration of mathematics and computer science has given me a solid academic foundation to build upon. One day, I hope to contribute to the advancements of mathematics and computer science as a doctorate student. My thorough study of mathematics in conjunction with computer science classes has enlightened me to the problem-solving power of mathematics. By augmenting mathematical structures, we can model real world problems on a computer. Currently, I am working with my computer science professor to publish an innovative syllable counting algorithm which model characters as vertices in a directed graph. Modeling words as graphs allows computers skip numerous special syllable cases. Working on this algorithm has given me more insight to how mathematics can optimize current computer science ideas. As expected, I have opted to take as many math courses as realistically possible. This means that, because I also work part-time, I have a 55-hour work week; a work week similar to the average modern computer scientist. That being said, I have been able to persevere and maintain excellent academic standards. I will continue to work, in order to simulate the work week of a computer scientist. Overall, I believe I am thoroughly prepared to face upper division courses. I am used to the workload, and I am more than eager to learn. If my stressful life has given me anything, it has granted me a love of theoretical mathematics and computer science. My adventures in these fascinating subjects has taught me the power of problem division. All complex problems can be divided into simpler sub-problems. Likewise, we can model upper division course as a problem. I am eager to engage and excel in these courses, one small step at a time.

UC Transfer Essay Prompt 2

The UC Berkeley transfer essays aren’t all about grades and brutal studying! If you’re the type to write poems under a rainbow or sing emotional songs when you’re having a bad day, this one might be for you.

“ Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.

Personally, creativity is an alternate method of expression. When I play piano, I describe my emotions and favorite memories using various tones instead of words. By manipulating techniques that I play on the piano, I can make a piece reflect ineffable aspects of my life. In a way, my music becomes my medium of communication. However, not all music is created equal. Classical music is elegant, but fragile. Jazz music is abstract and expressive but fails to reflect the deeper aspects of my life. In the end, my exploration of various forms of music have taught me a lot about life. I have been playing classical music for almost 12 years. In classical music, it is essential to play as close to the score as possible. Consequently, interpretations come from small improvisations, dynamics, and tempo. Improvisations allow me to add color to the song. Changing the key alters the mood, whereas slowing down the tempo emphasizes a particular moment. At the end of any song, every variation in technique contributes to the portrait of my soul. On the other hand, I have only been playing jazz for 6 months. The abstract and boisterous nature of jazz allows for large sections of improvisation and drastic changes to dynamics and tempo. With this much control over the color of the composition, a wide range of images can be encoded into the music. In jazz, improvisations change the direction of the song; variations in tempo and dynamics adds to the complexity of the image. Playing around with jazz shows my love for music. Whether I choose to play classical or jazz music, music allows me to express indescribable feelings. The fragility of classical music reflects the deeper aspects of my life. Contrarily, jazz allows me to play with the fundamental structure of a piece. My journey with music has taught me one irrevocable fact: life is extremely complicated and diverse. We should follow our dreams before it is too late to do so. That being said, I know that my dream is to add to the theory of mathematics and computer science.

UC Transfer Essay Prompt 3

UC Berkeley’s transfer prompt 3 is actually quite similar to prompt 4 in that they concern development over time. This one is just more concerned about the quality of your talent. Remember: it’s okay to brag about this one, but it’s not just about how talented or skilled you are. This is also about how the admissions officers can have a good idea of what kind of person you are.

“ What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time? “

One of my closest friends is trying to become a realtor. In his quest for success, he has faced numerous difficulties. Yet, without fail, he still gives life his best effort. Watching his struggle has bestowed upon me a crucial fact of life; we cannot expect the best results without giving our best effort. As a consequence, we cannot give our fullest effort without first understanding ourselves. This has led me to believe that time management is my greatest skill. With good time management, I maximize my performance in different segments of my life. In turn, I maximize my growth as student. Like many others, my time management skill was not always up to par. After high school, I was unprepared to make my own schedule. Consequently, I was hindered by my poorly planned schedule. During my first Summer semester at PCC, I had requested for more working hours than I could handle. Without enough time to focus on my studies, I was unable to perform as well as I could. That semester gave me the encouragement to look deeper into myself. I analyzed my educational needs and scheduled around inconveniences. I took more time to analyze my workload and request reasonable working hours. I gave time to myself, to revive myself from the strenuous, studious life. The more I understood myself, the better I was able to manage my time. In turn, I was able to perform better overall. Now, I maintain an excellent academic record, a part time job, and a social life. To this day, I continue to push my own limits. This semester, I opted to take more units and more ambitious classes than I have ever taken before. My extraordinary time management is helping me excel in these classes. Analyzing myself helped me understand that my interest in mathematics and computer science is set in stone. In turn, recognizing my own basic needs helps me optimize my schedule. Like my friend, I have come to understand myself on a deeper level; I am fully prepared to fully devote myself to computer science and mathematics.

UC Transfer Essay Prompt 4

The UC Berkeley transfer essay prompt 4 follows the typical obstacle structure of many other college admissions essays.

“ Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement? “

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself”. My current interpretation of President Roosevelt’s words is that improvement comes from boldness. If we hesitate in the face of difficulty, we would not achieve anything. That being said, I had terrible social anxiety. In high school, I went above and beyond in avoiding others. However, I knew that without adequate communication skills, I would have significantly less opportunities to succeed when I grew older. Now that I am much older, I have significantly enhanced my social skills. I was able to improve my communication abilities by accepting a job offer as a waiter. In fact, I had gotten an exceptional recommendation from a close friend (which is how I got the job). By accepting this job, I was forcing myself into a foreign, continuously social environment. Although I did not perform well in the beginning, I was able to improve to an excellent standard with hard work. Working as a server motivated me to learn and practice social skills I had previously lacked. Additionally, the working environment gave me the opportunity to demonstrate the skills that I had practiced. For over half a year, I struggled to improve. However, my struggle paid off, as now my regular customers praise me for my rapid development. After working for a year, my excellent work had caught the eye of my boss, who assigned me yet another task. Now, I also manage the boss’s schedule and provide suggestions during marketing meetings as one of her personal assistants. Presently, I work approximately twenty-five hours a week, in conjunction with my studies. By forcing myself into social territories, I was able to motivate myself to learn and practice the communication skills that I needed. From this experience, I gained more than just social ability; I also gained the courage to step out of my comfort zone, in the pursuit of self-improvement. Which is why I know I will succeed after transferring. Upper division classes are difficult and daunting; regardless, I will face them without fear.

What may be most daunting is the fact that this applicant had actually had help from their professor to get internship experience to work with. What makes this so effective is not just the fact that they had work experience to show their determination and perseverance to their career.

They also can practically guarantee a great letter of recommendation from said professor.

The letters of recommendation play a major role in the admissions process. They are another layer of proof that the student was able to work on their career enough that they have the approval of other authority figures. This holds a lot of weight. So if you can find a good opportunity to get an internship with your professor before transferring, your admissions essay might be added to our “UC Berkeley transfer essays that worked” list! (if you don’t mind us showing you off!)

If you can’t get an internship with a professor in your school, you’ll have to suffice with writing the transfer admissions essay. But remember, you’ll be facing off against a lot of other very qualified and very intelligent students. One of the only other factors that can make a severe difference in your UC application is the personal insight questions. If you can show through your writing that you have the determination and have put in the effort to actualize your dreams, you will have a much better chance of getting accepted.  

You might also want to consider appealing to the desire of the admissions officers and what the school is looking for. We covered that schools want to see people who actually manifest their dreams, but there’s a reason. Why? Because those people are the most likely candidates to make genuine change in the world, and who wouldn’t want people like that in their universities?

Berkeley even says so themselves on their admissions selection page.

If you’re likely to manifest your dreams into reality and actualize it to a certain degree, then you’ve already got the mindset needed to make genuine change in the world. That’s what great schools like Berkeley want! People who are great because they can make differences in the world with their accomplishments due to their right mindset. You don’t have to be Obama’s son, and you don’t have to win wars overseas; you just have to have the attributes of world-changers, and demonstrate them in your paper!

Have any questions about the UC Berkeley transfer admissions essays? Haven’t won any awards or gained any internship experience? That’s why we’re here to help. Contact us for a free consultation and learn how we can map and optimize your UC transfer admissions essay to give you the competitive edge you need.

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If you are considering transferring, but not attending a California Community College, review the Transfer Reading and Composition Information to ensure you have the required classes for that requirement.

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Tips to Write Great UC Transfer Application Essays

The University of California (UC) system, the most prestigious public education institution in the world, attracts tens of thousands of freshmen and transfer applicants each year. The freshmen admission is highly competitive across UC campuses, particularly at UC Berkeley and UCLA. For example, UCLA alone received more than 110,000 freshmen applications in 2018 who competed for roughly 15,000 seats.

Although many local residents have chosen the UC transfer route for financial reasons, we want to highlight that for many students who didn’t fair well academically in high school, the UC transfer route is a more viable and efficient pathway to receiving a UC degree. The transfer admission rates in recent years at UC Berkeley and UCLA have ranged between 20 to 25%, which are much higher than their respective freshmen admission rate.

Beginning last fall, UC and the California Community College system began an agreement to expedite the often convoluted transfer process. The agreement builds on a 2015 program that created "transfer pathways," listing which classes community college students should take to qualify for enrollment in 21 of the most popular majors on UC campuses, such as chemistry, English, mathematics and film.

Students who complete the curricula for their desired major, as designed by the agreement, and meet the minimum GPA requirement will be guaranteed admission into the UC system. If students are not admitted to their number one campus, the system will instead place them at another campus that has space in the chosen major.

What are Personal Insight Questions? And why do they matter?

So you have followed the transfer pathway at your local community college, and you have managed to achieve a decent GPA. How can your application stand out? The answer is simple: your application essays or, in the UC application term, your answers to the Personal Insight Questions.

“These questions are about getting to know you better — your life experience, interests, ambitions and inspirations. Think of it as your interview with the admissions office. Be open. Be reflective. Find your individual voice and express it. While this section of the application is just one part we consider when making our admission decision, it helps provide context for the rest of your application.”

In other words, your essays are the only way to add character to an otherwise punctuated list of accomplishments. Essays are your best shot at demonstrating personality, explaining how you perceive the world, and describing your most compelling motives. These ideas tend to get lost in a general transcript. The essay is a looking glass into the greater “why” of your candidacy.

The requirements of Personal Insight Questions for transfer applicants are as follows:

One required question you must answer.

You will also need to answer 3 out of 7 additional questions. All of these 7 questions are equal and are given equal consideration in the application review process. There is no advantage or disadvantage to choosing certain questions over others.

Each response is limited to a maximum of 350 words.

The Required Personal Insight Question:

Please describe how you have prepared for your intended major, including your readiness to succeed in your upper-division courses once you enroll at the university..

Different from freshmen applicants who can choose “undecided” when it comes to a college major, transfer applicants have to declare the major(s) they are interested in pursuing. Consider the following when brainstorming ideas:

How did your interest in your major develop? What classroom learning experiences (such as working with faculty or doing research projects), and/or experiences from outside (such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student or community organizations) have helped shape your interest?

What other influences (culture, community, family, etc.) have steered you toward this major?

How is your intended major tied to your long-term goals?

If you are applying to multiple campuses with a different major at each campus, you need to approach this question from a broader perspective.

The key here is to demonstrate that you are ready—academically, intellectually, and psychologically—to succeed in the upper-division courses for the declared major once you enroll at the university. Further, since you are applying as a transfer student who is considered more mature than a high school senior, it is important to discuss how continuing the study of this intended major at a four-year college helps you pursue your career and life goals.

Additional Questions (Choose 3 of 7)

1. describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time..

This prompt is explicitly for describing your leadership experience in more detail than the “president” or “team leader” title on your CV or resume. College admissions officers are looking for ways in which you fostered mentorship, resolved tension, and organized group effort in the environment surrounding you, e.g., school clubs or teams, community events. You want to draw upon strong examples in which you made a positive impact on others. Remember: Leadership roles are not limited to titled positions or to the school environment.

Example 1: You reinvigorated interest in a club that had initially been losing members.

Example 2: You inspired a friend or classmate to take a leadership role.

Example 3: You organized community events to help promote a cause you deeply care about.

2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.

This prompt lends flexibility to how you applied creativity to academic fields, extracurricular endeavors, and beyond. If you are artistic (e.g., painter, illustrator, poet, photographer, etc.), you can certainly write about being creative in your artwork. But don’t be discouraged by this prompt if you are not in such traditionally “creative” roles . The prompt’s emphasis is strongest on problem-solving and innovative thinking. Maybe you created your own program to help organize information, or maybe you created a rack to help hold your sports equipment. The opportunities here are broad.

Example 1: There was a leak in your home toilet that your parents were about to call a plumber to fix, but you figured it out.

Example 2: You figured out an alternate solution to an academic problem in class that differed from your teacher’s.

Example 3: You grew up in more than one culture and were adept at blending multicultural elements in your artwork.

3. What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time?

Don’t make the mistake of simply listing the skills or talents you’ve developed. The real trick to writing a great response to this prompt is by tying character and personality traits to the activity. Describing your specific traits (e.g. tenacity, humility, grit, and compassion) that helped you hone your talents is just as important as the skills or talents themselves. Elaborate on why this activity is worth it to you, and how your character is exhibited through this activity. You also want to address how you have cultivated this talent to display just how much work it took to get to where you are.

Example 1: How a character trait of yours made acquiring a skill possible.

Example 2: How developing a talent revealed a part of your personality that you didn’t recognize prior to practice.

Example 3: How developing certain skills helped you strengthen your character.

4. Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.

This prompt contains two different but related topics: a significant educational opportunity or an educational barrier. You can write about either topic, or address both if they are related in your case. Try not to get bogged down in what an “educational opportunity” is. Define an educational opportunity as anything that has added value to your educational experience and has better prepared you for college. It can be more recent, something you did while attending community college. For example, if you have taken several advanced online classes related to your major, this would be a great place to share why you did it and what you have learned.

If you choose to go down the educational barriers route, think of barriers broadly. It can be academic (e.g., dealing with a weak academic subject), cognitive (e.g., a learning disability), socio-economic (e.g., if accepted, you would be the first person in your family going to college), or cultural (e.g., being a recent immigrant to the U.S. adapting to the new living and learning environment). Then, more importantly, what personal characteristics or skills did you rely on to overcome this barrier? How has the process shaped you as a person? How do you plan to use what you have gained in the future?

Example 1: Describe a situation where you went above and beyond an assignment’s requirement in order to enrich yourself.

Example 2: Describe how you have managed to deal with a weak academic subject and become a better learner as a result.

Example 3: Describe how you have managed to overcome a learning disability and how the process has changed the way you view academic success.

5. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

This prompt has two parts: the most significant challenge and its effect on your academic achievement. The word “challenge” can apply to a very broad range of events. Maybe you struggled in a certain course. Maybe you had to deal with health issues, family issues, or financial struggles while simultaneously completing your coursework. It is OK to use this prompt to explain why you may have done sub-par in a particular area of your academics. Or perhaps, your UC application back as a high school senior was unexpectedly rejected; you learned to accept the rejection and have been working tirelessly for the transfer. Whatever topic you choose, you want to describe the learning and growth that you experienced was involved. Be sure to share the ways or aspects in which you matured along the way. What’s most interesting to college admissions officers is “what changed due to this challenge?”

Just like our “educational opportunity” definition given for the previous prompt, “academic achievement” goes far beyond your GPA. It could mean your intellectual goals or your struggle to balance homework with your part-time job. We recommend thinking of the challenge first before deciding whether it could be weaved into something academic.

Example 1: Describe working a part-time job while trying to deal with your rigorous academic workload.

Example 2: Describe how prejudice or stereotype in your community or a specific field may have held you back from pursuing an interest but didn’t.

Example 3: Describe how a certain peer pressure from your school and/or family has changed you and affected you academically, and the steps you have taken to overcome it.

6. What have you done to make your school or your community a better place?

Similar to previous prompts, the definition of “community” should not by stymied. Your community includes your school, the community college you are attending, maybe a local park, or maybe your city’s library. Community could also be more abstract, like the culture or ethnicity you identify with. With this in mind, remember that your writing must illustrate your role in the community you have defined. Why do you identify with this community the most? Questions like these should lead you to demonstrate the positive influence you have made. It’s important that you stay genuine. Do not overstate your impact. Remember the metaphor of the butterfly’s wings: small change is still change.

Example 1: Describe a volunteer position or project that really made you feel like a member of your community.

Example 2: Use metrics to define your impact on your community.

Example 3: Describe how you assisted a teacher in the class and helped enhance the learning experience of others.

7. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admission to the University of California?

This is the most open-ended prompt. You can literally write about most anything. If you want to get creative with your writing, this is where to do it. This isn’t the best prompt to talk about academic achievement or community service, as there are better prompts for those topics. What you write for this prompt should also not be repetitive of the other three prompts you have chosen. Instead, use this prompt to write an aspect of you that the admissions officer would never know based on other parts of your application. This is your wildcard. Use this prompt to be as creative as you can while not being too outlandish. Here are some examples from our students who did well with this prompt:

Example 1: An excerpt of a novel you were writing.

Example 2: How a religious belief has influenced you.

Example 3: A hobby or personal interest that hasn’t been shown on any other part of your application, but is an important part of who you are.

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UC Essay Examples for the Personal Insight Questions

Sample essays with explanations of their strengths and weaknesses

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Every applicant to one of the University of California campuses must write four short essays in response to the UC application's Personal Insight questions. The UC essay examples below reveal how two different students approached the prompts. Both essays are accompanied by an analysis of their strengths and weaknesses.

Features of a Winning UC Personal Insight Essay

The strongest UC essays present information that isn't available elsewhere in the application, and they paint the portrait of someone who will play a positive role in the campus community. Let your kindness, humor, talent, and creativity shine, but also make sure each of your four essays is substantive.

As you figure out your strategy for responding to the UC Personal Insight questions , keep in mind that it's not just the individual essays that matter, but also the full portrait of yourself that you create through the combination of all four essays. Ideally, each essay should present a different dimension of your personality, interests, and talents so that the admissions folks get to know you as a three-dimensional individual who has a lot to contribute to the campus community.

UC Sample Essay, Question #2

For one of her Personal Insight essays, Angie responded to question #2: Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side.

Here is her essay:

I’m not great at drawing. Even after taking the required art classes in elementary and middle school, I don’t really see myself becoming a famous artist anytime soon. I’m most comfortable creating stick figures and notebook doodles. However, my lack of innate talent hasn’t kept me from using drawing communicate or entertain through cartoons.

Now, like I said, the artwork itself isn’t going to win any awards, but that’s only part of my creative process. I draw cartoons to make my friends laugh, to make my siblings feel better if they’re having a bad day, to poke fun at myself. I don’t make cartoons to show off my artistic ability; I make them because I think they’re fun to create, and (so far) other people enjoy them.

When I was about seven or eight, my sister got dumped by her boyfriend unexpectedly. She was feeling really down about it, and I was trying to think of something I could do that would cheer her up. So I drew a (pretty bad) likeness of her ex, made better by some rather unflattering details. It made my sister laugh, and I like to think I helped her through her break-up, even if only a little bit. Since then, I’ve drawn caricatures of my teachers, friends, and celebrities, ventured a little into political cartooning, and started a series about my interactions with my idiotic cat, Gingerale.

Cartooning is a way for me to be creative and express myself. Not only am I being artistic (and I use that term loosely), but I’m using my imagination to create scenarios and figure out how how to represent people and things. I’ve learned what people find funny, and what is not funny. I’ve come to realize that my drawing skills are not the important part of my cartooning. What is important is that I’m expressing myself, making others happy, and doing something small and silly, but also worthwhile.

Discussion of UC Sample Essay by Angie

Angie's essay comes in at 322 words, a little below the 350-word limit. 350 words is already a small space in which to tell a meaningful story, so don't be afraid to submit an essay that's close to the word limit (as long as your essay isn't wordy, repetitive, or lacking substance).

The essay does a good job showing the reader a dimension of Angie that probably isn't apparent anywhere else in her application. Her love of creating cartoons wouldn't appear in her academic record or list of extracurricular activities . Thus, it's a good choice for one of her Personal Insight essays (after all, it's providing new insight into her person). We learn that Angie isn't just a good student who is involved in some school activities. She also has a hobby she is passionate about. Crucially, Angie explains why cartooning is important to her.

The tone of Angie's essay is also a plus. She has not written a typical "look how great I am" essay. Instead, Angie clearly tells us that her artistic skills are rather weak. Her honesty is refreshing, and at the same time, the essay does convey much to admire about Angie: she is funny, self-deprecating, and caring. This latter point, in fact, is the true strength of the essay. By explaining that she enjoys this hobby because of the happiness it brings other people, Angie comes across as someone who is genuine, considerate, and kind.

Overall, the essay is quite strong. It is clearly written, uses an engaging style , and is free of any major grammatical errors . It presents a dimension of Angie's character that should appeal to the admissions staff who read her essay. If there is one weakness, it would be that the third paragraph focuses on Angie's early childhood. Colleges are much more interested in what you have done in recent years than your activities as a child. That said, the childhood information connects to Angie's current interests in clear, relevant ways, so it does not detract too much from the overall essay.

UC Sample Essay, Question #6

For one of his University of California Personal Insight essays, Terrance responded to option #6: Describe your favorite academic subject and explain how it has influenced you .

Here is his essay:

One of my strongest memories in elementary school is rehearsing for the annual “Learning on the Move” show. The fourth graders put on this show every year, each one focusing on something different. Our show was about food and making healthy choices. We could pick which group to be in: dancing, stage design, writing, or music. I chose music, not because I was interested in it the most, but because my best friend had picked it.

I remember the music director showing us a long row of various percussion instruments, and asking us what we thought different foods would sound like. This was not my first experience in playing an instrument, but I was a novice when it came to creating music, deciding what the music meant, and what its intent and meaning was. Granted, choosing a güiro to represent scrambled eggs was not Beethoven writing his Ninth Symphony, but it was a start.

In middle school, I joined the orchestra, taking up the cello. Freshmen year of high school, I auditioned for, and was accepted into, the regional youth symphony. More importantly, though, I took two semesters of Music Theory my sophomore year. I love playing music, but I’ve learned that I love writing it even more. Since my high school only offers Music Theory I and II, I attended a summer music camp with a program in theory and composition. I learned so much, and I’m looking forward to pursuing a major in Music Composition.

I find writing music is a way for me to express emotions and tell stories that are beyond language. Music is such a unifying force; it’s a way to communicate across languages and borders. Music has been such a large part of my life—from fourth grade and on—and studying music and music composition is a way for me to create something beautiful and share it with others.

Discussion of UC Sample Essay by Terrance

Like Angie's essay, Terrance's essay comes in at a little over 300 words. This length is perfectly appropriate assuming all of the words add substance to the narrative. When it comes to the features of a good application essay , Terrance does well and avoids common pitfalls.

For Terrance, the choice of question #6 makes sense—he fell in love with composing music, and he is entering college knowing what his major will be. If you are like many college applicants and have a wide range of interests and possible college majors, you may want to steer clear of this question.

Terrance's essay does a good job balancing humor with substance. The opening paragraph presents an entertaining vignette in which he chooses to study music based on nothing more than peer pressure. By paragraph three, we learn how that rather serendipitous introduction to music has led to something very meaningful. The final paragraph also establishes a pleasing tone with its emphasis on music as a "unifying force" and something that Terrance wants to share with others. He comes across as a passionate and generous person who will contribute to the campus community in a meaningful way.

A Final Word on Personal Insight Essays

Unlike the California State University system , the University of California schools have a holistic admissions process. The admissions officers are evaluating you as a whole person, not just as numerical data related to test scores and grades (although both are important). The Personal Insight questions are one of the primary ways the admissions officers get to know you, your personality, and your interests.

Think of each essay as an independent entity, as well as one piece of a four-essay application. Each essay should present an engaging narrative that reveals an important aspect of your life as well as explain why the topic you've chosen is important to you. When you consider all four essays in combination, they should work together to reveal the true breadth and depth of your character and interests.

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• The Length Requirements for the Common Application Essay in 2020-21
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• 2020-21 Common Application Essay Option 4—Solving a Problem
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